because sometimes your heart hurts

Hey guys. How’s your world spinnin’? You may have noticed my absence around here the last couple weeks? It’s been a tough time and I thought I should probably stop in to leave a little note for those readers keeping up with the blog.

A couple of weeks ago, we lost someone very special to us in a tragic accident. He was a fresh new young man, and we were blindsided by the news. The sort of shocked where the world stands still and then gets tossed around like the inside of a snow globe. I keep wanting to forge forward, forget my sadness and try to get back to feeling motivated and excited about all the fun stuff I intended to accomplish this year. I know that the sweet soul we lost would want that for me as well.  Instead, I’ve found myself feeling … just so many feelings. My dreams haunt me at night with the strangest stories and thoughts; music has split personalities. A certain song will either make me smile with memories or choke up with longing.

Grief is a strange, twisted set of jacked up emotions that have no rhyme or reason. Some days it’s a constant surge of dullness and tears, other days it hides in the recesses of my brain and pretends it’s passed until, before I know it, I’ve smiled and laughed and felt like I’m on the other side of it. Then suddenly, sorrow pinches my heart and lodges a knot in my throat. Inevitably, one day is “normal” and the next is crushing.

I know this is all very heavy. I’ve hesitated to write about any of it, because the truth is, I don’t really want to talk about it. I don’t know what to say about what’s happening in my head and I’m just more comfortable being positive and upbeat around other people. It’s hard for me to share the pain and the hurt, and I hope I haven’t left you too crapped out with reading this. Part of me just needed to get this off my chest, part of it felt like I should explain my absence.

I’m having a good day today, and hope to get some Wandering Eye Wednesday posts put together for you at least. If it doesn’t happen, I appreciate your understanding. Love and Light to you, dears.

I had to leave you with this one last picture, since this is the beggar I’ve been dealing with every night now.  He’s feeling the feelings too, and tries unendingly to make me smile. Besides, I needed to end on a happy note…

Editor’s Note: Want to know how it turned out for the year? Click here.